Athletic Support Her

For a variety of reasons I've been thinking about the difference between the States and here recently. One of the subtle ways our differences show up is speech. Here's a link to a list of particularly Canadian expressions.

In particular, I point out "zed" (there's one in my last name and I have to constantly check myself when talking to American customers at work. Most of them have no idea what I'm saying if I don't), "eh" (I like the reason behind this, even if it's a nice fabrication - which I'd like to hope it's not!), "chesterfield" (I was traveling for business in the US once and told the hotel manager there was a burn mark in the chesterfield and I got a blank stare) and so on...

Totally useless info, I know. But I was bored.

I don't speak or read Spanish. But it doesn't matter. This is still funny.

It's Sunday night, well, technically 12.06am Monday morning, and I'm incredibly sad.

It's a bit of a long and involved story that includes lots of kinky sex a million years ago and websites and leather and because I have this gnawing feeling that my blog is read by people who actually know me in real life and that would be just too weird if they would read this and then look at me later and say, wow, you did not do that when you were 23, etc....well, because of that, I'm just going to say I'm very sad, it has to do with Rob and I and our sex life, and I feel about as attractive as a footprint in dog shit. A bare footprint.

I am going to go lie down now (I'm up late because of hockey), and pretend to sleep while Rob slowly drifts off snoring, probably oblivious to how much I hurt right now.

I'm afraid to say much because I don't want this feeling blamed on another fucking bipolar moment. Because it's not. I have a legitimate reason for feeling so....sad.

But that's life sometimes. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and get on with it.

Night.

I know I've been remiss in posting. It's just that life is good at the moment and I'm very busy doing other things (nothing personal, Internet).

Quick synopsis of things since the rant about my car in the snow:

1) new windshield on my car
2) finished the lease on my car and it's now in my name
3) nice raise and bonus at work
4) will be product manager of 2 products at work and was told by the president in a private meeting that I have "management potential"
5) hockey's good and I'm organizing a tournament team for the weekend of Feb 22
6) work is incredibly busy and I need to take some time off soon, but have to pace myself till the tournament weekend. Then I'm taking the Friday and the Monday. Woot. People at work are making fun because I NEVER take time off. I still have 6 1/2 days remaining from last year (out of 10 days).
7) I've had an MRI on my right knee for a tear in the meniscus. I've had the tear for several years, but it's just now getting to interfere in a lot of things. There's a pretty funny story about the MRI that I will have to post another time, and that will give you FAR too much information about my personal anatomy, but feck it, I have no shame. Soon I will post it. I'm just now waiting on the referral to the orthopaedic surgeon.
8) I've been working very hard at taking some of this medication-induced weight off and have now lost 13 pounds since just before Christmas. It's a slow change, and that's the best kind.

That's all I can think of at the moment.

I've been checking in with a lot of you, whether I post comments or not.

You know, it's bizarre but I find I think now and again when an event occurs, oh, I should post this, it'll be funny, or that, it'll be poignant and relevant. Of course I never do, ultimate in BP behaviour...o look something shiny...distraction.

Hope all are well.

I know a lot of people have a hard time this time of year. I wish all of you, those enjoying it and those you struggle, peace and whatever that means to you.

Big storm yesterday. About a foot of straight snowfall and, because of where and how my house is situated, drifts up to 3 feet on my walk and driveway. Additionally, I live on the corner, so I get EVERYTHING the snowplow has picked up on its way round the crescent.

Rob's got the flu and can't do anything without coughing and coming near blue due to lack of breath. So all the shoveling was mine yesterday. And we needed groceries.

Got stuck getting out of my driveway. Getting out of the street. In the grocery store parking lot. Coming OUT of the grocery car parking lot (not plowed). The grocery cart I had packed with groceries trying to push to my car through 8 inches of snow. Not fun. Get near home. Get stuck coming INTO my street. I'm exhausted from 2 hrs of shoveling and ages of trying to rock my little Hyundai Accent back and forth in the snow, making progress a foot at a time. Then I can't go anywhere and I'm so close to my house I could just abandon my car and carry the groceries to my house. The snow is higher than the bottom of my car, lifting it off the ground. I'm so frustrated and feel so stupid, which adds to my frustration, I'm almost crying (which I hate). Eventually, Rob, who saw me stuck, comes out all bundled like a Siberian prison guard and he and two neighbours get me in the driveway. The two guys who helped me out in the grocery store parking lot told me I have no tread and need new tires. I have had these tires for 80905 km. But it's 1 week till Christmas. Where am I going to get $, especially in light of my hypomanic spending last month or so. Then, on the way to work this morning, my brakes start squealing like crazy. And I have a 2 1/2' crack in my window that I've been putting off getting fixed till after Christmas but SOMETHING is letting air into my air because there was frost INSIDE my car this morning.

All this stress yesterday has NOT made me a nice person to be around today. I just need to relax but am finding that difficult while I am trying to figure out the best time to get my tires replaced and what credit card can afford another $350-$400 before laughing at me in pity.

Argh.

Still here. Things are going pretty good. Not super special or anything, but better than it was a few weeks back. That's the thing about bipolar disorder: you're always guaranteed things will change. It's just a question of whether it's for the better or worse.

I have a pdoc appt today. I will tell him about the issue a few weeks back, and I'm going to be going out on a trusting limb teling him, but I scared myself and need some objective feedback. You guys are great in the personal feedback department.

Christmas is fast approaching, and I've done a bit of shopping, but since I've spent about 3K in the past 2 months (all on my credit card), I've got to be careful now. Timing sucks, but it's my own damned fault.

I've been checking in on you guys, even if I haven't posted. Hope all is well.

TTYL